So I recently cleaned out my silverware drawer. Every time I opened it I was frustrated by the chaos. A small voice kept after me, just deal with it, clean it out, fix it up. So I finally did.
You’re thinking, big deal, right?
Well it is to me. I have one drawer where I keep silverware and most all the kitchen utensils. When I first moved in this house this drawer seemed most natural to me to host all things kitchen utensil-ly. So it became the silverware home. And like all homes, over time it needs some fixing up. Something I had neglected for a long, long, time…ask anybody who has tried to open it.
So one snowy day I decided enough was enough and I cleaned it out. I purchased new drawer liners and threw away anything that hadn’t been used in a year or that had at least three more just like it. It’s amazing what can accrue over time in a nasty silverware drawer.
Alas, I got the job done and all was right in my kitchen.
As I looked at the newly organized drawer, ok I know some of you are looking at it and are thinking “That’s organized?” believe me…it’s a step up …a big big step up!! But as I looked at my drawer I couldn’t help but feel a bit uncomfortable with how long it had taken me to deal with the mess. I was embarrassed by the amount of useless things and crumbs taking up space. Why did it take me so long to fix this mess?
And then it came to me. Almost as if a little voice quietly spoke these words.
Everybody has a mess somewhere they don’t want to deal with.
I know I’m not the only one who has a messy silverware drawer. Raise your hand if you have a closet you are afraid to open the door to for fear it may never close? How about a garage that no longer can fit your cars? Maybe a basement that has been hijacked by old furniture, boxes of memories or the stuff that you think you may need one day? A crabby attitude that invades family time? Envy that has taken root and fills your thoughts with jealousy? Cookies you just can’t stop eating? Anger that is ravaging your relationship? Control that micromanages everyone and everything? Obsession with phones, tablets or computers that you can’t seem to live without? Fear that keeps you from leaving your comfort zone or keeps you up at night? Am I getting close?
We all have messes. We share this trait as humans. We all have something that we know needs attending but we’d rather not deal with it. This is a common thread in each of us.
After I had cleaned the drawer I realized that it felt good to have order back. It felt good to have invested in something that made my life a little better. Looking at my newly organized drawer I had another revelation. Improvement is good. Improvement is possible.
Which one of us is not drawn to stories of those who overcome? Who does not find appealing the stories of those who, although living with difficult, even self induced, consequences, find life in seeking order?
We are created for order in the chaos. We are flawed by our own inabilities and fears.
I took out one fork at a time when I cleaned my drawer. It felt big at first to tackle the mess. My drawer really was a disaster. But with each utensil I pulled out I gained a growing desire. A desire for order and a clean drawer. One motion at a time. Removing one item at a time, I began to believe it was possible to get through it.
I may be flawed but I am influenced by a desire for restoration.
Do you hear a voice whispering something small to you today? Our problems feel so big sometimes it keeps us from dealing with them. Sometimes a small voice is necessary for big jobs. Sometimes small voices are the ones that get us to take that one step, that leads to the next step that cascades into a series of steps toward order, improvement, health, growth, healing and restoration.
Maybe we shouldn’t be listening for the big voices but the little ones?
We may share the messy trait as humans but we are united by our desire for wholeness and restoration. Breathing life into whatever needs a fresh start we write a richer story, we awaken the desire for good to spill into our lives, we extend the hand of unity to someone else needing to do the same.
Resorting order starts small. Like a silverware drawer. Maybe the little things we bring order to foster courage to tackle something bigger farther down the road? Today a silverware drawer, tomorrow the back part of the basement. Who knows?
January 1 2015 my son asks, Mom what’s your New Year Restoration?
You mean “resolution”?
No, “restoration”, that’s what it’s really about anyway.
He got me with that one. He’s right.
New Year Resolutions are about restoration. Transforming something in your life that isn’t so good into something better. Restoration. I like that spin on this age old tradition.
Restoration is practical, active and visual. How many times have we watched shows where old homes, junk or furniture have been restored for a new purpose?
Restoration is hope and possibility filled. There are places in my life that need to be restored for a new purpose. Who doesn’t need an upgrade of some kind?
Normally I do not do New Year Resolutions, but I will do a New Year Restoration.
Back to my conversation with my son.
Well Jake, my New Year Restoration is so say “Thank You” more often.
Because when I say “thank you” out loud I’m practicing gratitude and I want to practice gratitude. I want to appreciate people and blessings more regularly.
I think gratitude leads to a fuller life. Appreciation reveals goodness in everyday places. I want to focus more on what’s good versus the negative things I’m prone to recognize quickly.
That’s good mom.
And that was that.
Resolving to change has never really gotten me anywhere before.
I’ve been more successful at restoring something that is run down and refurbishing it. Restoration is a process. It takes vision and patience. A system of progressive steps. It isn’t so black and white. Pass or fail. Win or lose.
I know it’s just a slight shift of words but it brings a more attainable and purposefully meaning for me. I like restoration a lot better than resolution.
What’s your New Year Restoration?
How many ornaments have you broken this year?
I always break at least one.
I’ll be honest. Some ornaments I can live without, others are special and I would be sad if they broke. Things can’t last forever. Sometimes you have to let go.
Christmas is all about letting go.
God the Father let go of His son Jesus to come to earth.
Mary, the mother of Jesus, had to let go of her youth and hopes of a celebratory engagement.
Joseph, the father of Jesus, had to let go of his reputation and the security of his future.
Zechariah, a relative of Jesus, had to let go of his voice.
Elizabeth, a relative of Jesus, had to let go of her barrenness.
Christmas came through a series of letting go. (Luke 1:1-2:20 NIV)
Letting go can be one of the most difficult things in this life. Broken ornaments are one thing but letting go of a job, a dream, health, a home or a child is altogether different.
When my children were learning to swim my husband spent time in the pool teaching them what to do. When the time came for them to practice they would have to let go and swim out into the water. There would be that scary moment when they let go of the wall. There they were, dangling in that frightening place between the wall and their daddy’s hand. Those were swirling moments, when they had to let go, when they weren’t sure if they could reach their father, when they had to feel fear.
Letting go is sometimes forced upon us. We have no other choice and it is unwelcome.
Sometimes we have to let go for our own emotional, spiritual and physical health and it’s so very hard.
Other times we must choose to let go in order to gain something new.
In any case, letting go is a part of each of our lives, like broken ornaments.
Like many of you, I’m a bit reflective at the holidays. I think about Joseph and Mary, real people faced with a real predicament. An unplanned, albeit supernatural, baby. An assignment directly from God. A hostile environment both at home and abroad. So many things to let go of.
- Expectations for a “normal” life
- Support of family and friends
- Living in their hometown
- Never having the “honeymoon” stage of marriage (i.e. pre-kids)
- Financial security
- Their own plans
Maybe you find something on their list that relates to you?
It amazes me the hardship that is wrapped around the story of Christmas. It humbles me to think of how I idealize Christmas and forget how it was forged.
Letting go was imposed on Mary and Joseph. Read their story.
They also chose to let go in order to embrace something new. I think this must have been intensely difficult. Choosing to let go is just as challenging as being forced to let go.
My children had to let go of the side of the pool in order to find the waiting arms of their father. Sure, they flopped in the water, their heads went under, they felt fear, they tried their best to swim, but their father grabbed hold of them just at the right time. In the chaos of the letting go they found their fathers embrace.
Sometimes letting go is just that. Flopping, fearing, sinking, trying. It’s chaos. It’s a broken ornament all over the floor.
Is there something you need to let go of? Has letting go been imposed on you? Do you feel the chaos and uncertainty of it all?
Find your story in the Christmas story for it too is filled with chaos and letting go.
Letting go free’s your hands to embrace something new.
In the flopping, fearing, sinking, trying, chaotic, broken ornament minutes of our lives, Christmas comes to teach us how to let go because letting go happens to all of us.
Christmas is the display of the Father’s embrace.
It’s the tangible expression of Light’s promise to peer into our darkness.
Christmas lets us sink but will never let us drown.
It’s hope wrapping around, telling us our mess doesn’t have to define our lives.
Christmas is whispers of love songs that slowly melt us and lead us back to wonder.
Christmas comes to free our hands to embrace something new in difficult times.
So I broke my crockpot last night.
You heard right.
I broke my crockpot. You know the cooking appliance that you throw ingredients in and leave it to cook all day. You pretty much can’t mess it up….yea. Somehow I found a way to ruin mine.
I wanted to try something new. I tried a recipe for home made bread in the crockpot. It sounded easy so I gave it a go.
Now I probably should have realized it was a bad idea when the instructions stated to place the inner liner of the crockpot in the oven at a high temperature for over an hour. The actual heating element of the crockpot….the part that makes it a crockpot...wasn’t actually going to be used.
So I followed the instructions as written (something that I don’t normally do but I was hoping to prove to my family that I could follow a recipe). I heated up the oven. Put the crock pot with all the ingredients in and…poof….after some time out came my experiment.
It didn’t work.
This is nothing new for me, or my family. I’m used to things not working in the kitchen. I began cleaning my mess. I noticed something wrong with my crockpot, there was a sticky cloudy coating on the inside. I scrubbed and scrubbed. It wouldn’t come clean. Then I realized…it wasn’t a stuck on mess…the glaze had come off… grrrrrrr.
Now I’m not sure but I don’t think I can use a crockpot in this condition. The glaze seals the pot so it’s safe to use…but it has to be used properly. (I think they remind people to use appliances properly for a reason. Lesson learned.) Apparently putting the crockpot in the oven at a high temperature falls outside meaning of “used properly”.
Sharing my failed bread making attempt with my husband, he blurted out, “If you wanted a loaf of bread why didn’t you just get in the car and go get one instead of trying a new recipe and ruining the crockpot?”
“It wasn’t the bread I wanted. I wanted to try something new.” I responded.
We both found each other to be funny. He looked at the entire endeavor one way and I the other. The bread was the desired result but we assumed two different goals. Mr. Practical was about securing a loaf of bread. Miss Inginuity was about experimenting with creativity and innovation.
Isn’t that like relationships? They are formed by two people with different mental, emotional and relational DNA. When two people assume the wrong things about one another, crockpots get ruined. Many disagreeable moments happen because we fight over how to fight. We misunderstand one another. We are familiar with one another but we don’t know one another.
One loaf of bread. Two ways to get it.
How many arguments happen because we only relate one way – our way. How many fights ignite because we react instead of respond, or we posture ourselves to be the right one instead of listening or asking questions to better understand? Just because we are in a relationship doesn’t mean we know how to relate. Just because we are in a marriage doesn’t mean we know how to be married. We are siblings but struggle to feel like family. We c0-exist with other workers and fail to collaborate. Friends wonder how to be good at friendship.
The point is, relationships don’t always get used properly.
I didn’t realize that crockpots in a high temperature oven for a long time is a bad idea. I was unaware of how to properly use it. I didn’t think I needed to read the owners manual. In the same way we don’t realize we need to go to school on relationships. Having a relationship isn’t the same as being in a relationship. Friendship isn’t automatic when you are friends.
Who knew we need to learn to be a learner of those we live with and love?
Who knew crockpots could be ruined?
Who knew relating to others requires learning how?
Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. ~ I John 3:18
I was recently given a gift from my children. They gave me a subscription to Ancestry-dot-com. I have always had a fascination…ok…obsession….with history. When I drive down roads that are filled with 100 plus year old homes I wonder what the windows and walls have seen? I wonder what people were like 100 years ago? I can’t help it. I’m kind of a nerd.
I have always wanted to learn more about my own family heritage. My moms grandparents come from the Netherlands and Sweden and my dad came to America from Cuba. I do not have very deep American roots. My mom knows very little about her immigrant grandparents so I have always longed to learn more.
Needless to say, I’m obsessed with Ancestry – dot – com. I get on it and I literally lose all track of time, like… it’s now 1 a.m. and I have to force myself to put it away…kind of losing track of time. I won’t allow myself to go on the website until after 6 p.m. because once I’m on I have little to no self control. Seriously. I’ve never known something that has captivated me quite like this and I’m obsessed.
It’s a little unnerving to experience something that unleashes my lack of self control. As much as I’ve loved hunting online for clues to my mysterious heritage, I’m surprised by how this experience can sweep me away and overtake all of my mind and time. I guess that’s what obsession is; something that has the power to control you, even if it’s momentary.
Recently I was reading my Bible, (Matthew 6:25-34 to be exact), Jesus was talking to His friends about worry. Worry happens to everyone but He talked about worry in a way that made me intrigued. He says worrying doesn’t do anything for us, it can’t help or change things. Worry can entrap us. In subtle ways it can become the focus of our thoughts, it can cause us to try to manipulate others to comply with our needs so we don’t have to worry.
- Worry can rob us from being present with the people in the room.
- Worry can rob us from being peaceful and productive.
- Worry can erode our physical health.
Worry, if left unchecked, can become obsessive.
Jesus speaks to His friends and says that worry needs to transition from obsession to faith. I love it that Jesus gives a direction to take, He does not give judgement. He is not the voice that says, Shame on you for worrying. It shows you don’t trust me, what’ s wrong with you? No. Instead He extends grace and help in His teaching. He speaks to His friends as if they were children waiting for an explanation for something that would bring them comfort and insight.
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sew or reap or store away food in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they? ~ Matthew 6:26
Jesus remedy for obsessive worry is the character of God and the love He has for us. Fears of future needs and problems are real. Worry for the well-being of our loved ones and ourselves are real. God’s trustworthy character and unfailing love is able to hold us steady in the unknowns of life.
My obsession with Ancestry-dot-com has revealed a significant part of me, I am capable of being swallowed whole by something. We can be swallowed whole with worry.
One night I was deep in my ancestry search. For reasons I don’t know I looked over at my daughter. She was looking at me with a look on her face that read, Mom, do you even know I’m here? You’ve been on that thing for hours and you’ve not as much as glanced my way. Ouch! I was busted. I had been online for way too long. My daughters gaze was an invitation. Although I felt a bit guilty the non-verbal exchange was an opportunity to step away from the thing that was holding me hostage.
Jesus invites us to a way beyond worrying. He said,
…your heavenly Father knows you need them [food, clothes etc.]. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you as well. ~ Matthew 6:32-33
He invites us to step out of worry and into the knowledge that God knows and cares about what we need. He goes beyond caring and offers us the opportunity to live with confidence that He will care for us, to live with peace and assurance that we are loved by Him, to live with the strength of conviction that we are able to follow His ways and not be tossed about by the floods of worry. This is what is meant by seeking His kingdom and righteousness. We step under His authority and rule. Although sometimes we can’t see how, when and where help will come from we live with confidence that it will come because God is unfailing.
May we continue to hear the invitation of Jesus. May we practice more and more, coming out of worry and into faith that God knows our need and will care for us because He loves us. May we experience more joy and peace because of this.
When I was growing up I often heard the phrase “God loves you” at the youth group I attended. It was always said in such a way that left me feeling as if it was the most profound thing in life. Maybe it is but I didn’t connect to it.
Although it felt right to hear it didn’t have a lot of meaning for me because I didn’t know what it meant, like grandparents that you never see or talk to write “I love you” in a card. You know it’s true and you’re glad about it but it doesn’t feel personal. You really don’t know one another. You are drawn to this vague statement of love but don’t know why because it doesn’t really affect your life.
I wish someone would have said to me:
God is interested in you.
This makes more sense to me. It personalizes God in a way that makes me curious.
Why is He interested in me?
How is He interested in me?
How do I know He’s interested in me?
It has only been in recent years that I have come to embrace the idea that God is interested in me. Maybe you are in a place where you too need to consider it? Here is some evidence from scripture that leads me to believe this.
- He knows your name. (Isaiah 45:3)
- He’s familiar with your hair style. (Matthew 10:30)
- He is impressed with your work. (Ephesians 2:10)
- He wants to hang out with you. (John 17:24)
- He gets it there are things about you that need improvement. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
- He knows you like good things. (Psalm 103:5)
- He knew you would love His creation so He gave it to you. (Genesis 1:29)
- He cries when you cry. (Psalm 145:9)
- He understands that life often doesn’t make sense to you. (Isaiah 55:8)
- He has made up a room in his house just for you. (John 14:2-4)
This is just a small list. God thinks about you and is interested in you in more ways.
Next time you hear “God loves you” add the phrase “… God is interested in you” on the end of it.
It makes a whole lot more sense.
I’ve been married to this guy for a long time.
I can honestly say that we now have the friendship that I thought we were having years ago. We weren’t. The friendship we have now came from stepping into the thick-of-things.
Our friendship is filled with moments of great connection and misfire. It’s real and we both like it.
After the early years of marriage are over some of us get in the thick-of-things. Our true selves are featured and the scent of decay begins to waft. Something is dying. I know this is not true for every marriage, but it’s been pretty accurate in describing mine. I didn’t recognize the smell of decay at first. Disappointment is a misleading symptom. But the stench was decay.
Something must die. Our pride, our selfishness, our ignorance….
- Unrealistic expectations
- Wrong perceptions
- Unwillingness to grow, accept, learn and communicate
Many of these things had to die in my marriage in order to find the friend I married.
This is where love becomes true. The thick-of-things is like a dense and dangerous forest. Ugliness gets exposed and we have to stop being shocked by this. Both people have to be willing to go in order to survive.
A word of encouragement for the weary soul who feels like they are losing the relationship battle.
LEARN. Learn is just a cool word that means: be willing and teachable.
- Be a student of God.
- Be a student of yourself.
- Be a student of your spouse.
When we smell decay, when we realize that this isn’t the marriage we envisioned, we become raw. Vulnerability is the kneading board of learning.
I don’t want to sound over simplistic. Issues are real, misunderstood and exhausting. Problems can be dangerous to body and soul. Some marriages end because there just doesn’t seem to be any other way. In the thick-of-things every exit looks appealing. Going through is much harder than going around.
Also, I don’t want to pretend that if you do A-B-C everything will be great.
My marriage is not settled completely, but we’ve entered the thick-of-things enough times to know that it didn’t kill us. We discovered we could be a better us and by default, a better me.
Arm yourself with Godly people to pray and listen, counselors to help unravel, and the Holy Spirit to guide and keep you through it all. Prepare to change. You do have to change. You don’t find yourself at the edge of the thick-of-things for no reason. Something wasn’t working.
So let some thing’s die. I pray it’s not your marriage. I pray your find the friendship you thought you had from the start.