Today I was reminded of something. It was in the early hours of the day. You know, that time before the alarm goes off? I’m not really sure what time it was as I don’t like to look at the clock. My body is comfortable and wants to stay in bed but my mind is perched and wide-awake.
I’m ever so aware of the mountain-sized situations of my life. I am desperate to remind God of just what I need Him to do for me today, just in case He forgot. I’m frantically laying out the scope of things, detail by detail, so God can answer just right.
My words form around the thoughts of my children, “Lord, my kids are depending on Your faithfulness. They need to see how You are working on behalf of our family, their faith is dependant upon Your kind and loving response to our need.”
From out of nowhere the thought comes to my mind. Just as your children depend on you, their parent, I want you to depend on Me.
What? What does this mean?
I try to look at life from my childrens’ perspective. My kids have had confidence in their father and I to lead, guide, provide, teach, protect and inspire them. They look at us with eyes of assuredness that we will fulfill our role as mom and dad, that we will be true to our calling and responsibilities, that we will resource them lovingly and with wisdom. My kids believe in me.
Oh, I’m stung by this thought. Do I look at God the same way my kids look at me? Do I look at Him with confidence?
My prayers this morning were more like rehearsing my anxiety.
“And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.” The words of Jesus find me. (Matthew 6:7-8 TNIV)
I was babbling this morning. When things get dangerously close to the edge prayers become the repetition of fear. I felt no shame from God as I realized this. He knows it’s my human nature to be this way. He gave me such a beautiful picture to help me get out of my pit.
The faces of my kids.
Instead of rehearsing my anxiety I ought to remember just who God is, my Father….
….my Father who leads, guides, provides, teaches, protects and inspires me…my Father who will be true to His calling to parent me and will take responsibility to resource me lovingly and with wisdom.
“ He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake.”
~ Psalm 23:3